Wednesday Wisdom

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Hi friend, how are you?

What’s your thought about how people listen to each other these days?
With the emergence of social media many things changed, and then came the covid lockdown

If you read the studies published in Psychology Today or that by the University of Missouri Kansas City, you would find that people don’t listen to each other like they used too
Are you familiar with the term “Tik Tok Brain”?
You don’t have to be on T.T. to get it
It’s when peoples attention spans decrease from the over stimulation of scrolling on social media
It can come from Tik Tok, Face Book ( META ) or even Twitter ( X )
People with A.D.D. should avoid social media like the plague, or at least use it in extremely small amounts
MRI’s show how rapidly their brains decrease from social media usage thus causing shorter attention spans and limiting their ability to focus on learning new tasks
It’s known as DEF or Disrupted Executive Function
It also creates what scientists refer to as “Time Blindness”

But what about old fashioned manners?
Those matter too

A few times each month I volunteer teaching art / painting classes
The people that come often have PTSD ( the most common )
Anxiety / Depression issues
And A.D.D.

Recently a new guy joined our group
He’s only 63, and now a widower
He and his wife had been together since they were kids

At the end of the class a small group of us gathered, and we shared our condolences
What he said to me afterwards when it was just us broke my heart

He thanked me, I didn’t expect that, nor needing it
What broke my heart was he thanked me ( in his words ) for “Just simply listening”
That took me by surprise that he felt the need to say that

I’ve seen this IRL, someone’s spouse passes and someone else says “I don’t know what I would do if my ______________ passed”
People who say those things are idiots and a—holes both….
How self absorbed do you have to be to say something like that when someone else is in grief?
A more civilized, compassionate and humane thing is to not say, but to ask, “What can I do to support you?”
NOT “Call if you need anything” That’s a—-hole too
Instead of offering to be in the moment you’re throwing it back at them
There’s a difference, and when someone is in grief, they feel that difference

Social Scientists talk about the 43 / 57 rule
If you’re trying to get to know someone allow them to do 57% of the talking
Smarter people learn by listening more

For business settings the percentage is different
In that scenario they said the best formula is listen 80% and only speak 20%
There’s lots of studies on that, and how it becomes easier to “Seal the deal” if you were the listener instead of the talker. In Japan that’s actually how CEO’s address their boards
Or as I like to say “Less talk, more action”
You always know who you can trust / or want in your life, not by what they say, but by what they do

Two years ago I took a class at my church, and it changed who I share what with
The man spoke about the difference between people that are listening to you, and those that aren’t 
It was then and there I reduced exposure to a few “friends”
My only regret is that I hadn’t done it years earlier

We all are going to have times in our lives where we need a friend to hear us
My hope for you is that when that time comes that friend is there for you
And there are going to be times when others in our lives can need us
My prayer is that you open your heart, and your ears, for them

Invest wisely, live charitably and be well
Brother Bill

This short video is worth a listen 😁 

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